They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
