12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
