the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
