i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
