I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
