Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
