Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
