im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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