She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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