is your mom at the bar?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't make out with my wife yet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
