i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
