i already hear my dad disowning me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
