i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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