and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize