He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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