Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
