Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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