My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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