12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
