he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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