youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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