I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
