Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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