I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
