the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
