your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
