The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
