i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone came in the potted fern
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
