my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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