Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
