She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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