Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
