She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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