It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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