Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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