when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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