i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
