me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
