She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
