I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
