btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
