he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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