Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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