What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
