I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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