Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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