Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
