How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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