Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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