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I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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